


Love in its own way

by AlAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 07:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11100126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlAngel/pseuds/AlAngel
Summary: You had fallen for Castiel almost upon meeting him, but before you could ever work up the courage to talk to him about it he was ‘possessed’ by Leviathans. You take a break from hunting after the loss until you run into Daphne and her husband Emmanuel, who looks exactly like your lost angel.





	Love in its own way

Title: Love in its own way  
Pairing: Castiel x Reader  
Word Count: ~3.6k  
Warnings: sad, angst, fluff in the middle, unrequited love?  
Idea: Emmanuel!Cas cute puppy moment. He doesn’t remember you, duh. Actually he’s with Daphne. Angst.  
Summary: You had fallen for Castiel almost upon meeting him, but before you could ever work up the courage to talk to him about it he was ‘possessed’ by Leviathans. You take a break from hunting after the loss until you run into Daphne and her husband Emmanuel, who looks exactly like your lost angel.  
…  
Being in love with angel had never been easy, but who wanted to have an easy life anyway? No hunter ever considered their life easy and what was some additional crap on top of tiny motel rooms, take-out food and oh yeah the constant danger to your life. When you first met the Winchesters you had simply been locking for a one time team-up to figure out why something suspiciously looking like Egyptian plagues killed people in a small town. That turned out anything but simple. You learned that oh hey angels were a thing and apparently slapping Sam was okay, because he’s a soulless bastard (well Dean declared it okay the moment he figured out that Sam was literally soulless, you still felt a bit bad). But bottom line was angels. You had to admit Balthazar wasn’t exactly how you imagined the cloud hoppers with standard issue halo, neither was a pretty moody and pissed Raphael. The closest to an angel-angel like you remembered them from Christmas stories was Castiel. And even he seemed awfully down to business and not overly concerned with kindness, some nights you could still hear the little boys scream from when Cas tried to locate his soul.  
Still every time you saw Cas in the months after that your heart would skip a little beat, although he was often strict, annoyed and always on a busy schedule. It didn’t change how you felt about him. Especially when only for a second he relaxed and smiled, when he and Dean would have another hilariously awkward conversation over some kind of “more profound bond” or even a movie reference Cas didn’t get. It were moments like this that made your heart flutter and your stomach tingle. You found yourself looking forward to all the small moments when you could see the angel. Every time you ran into the Winchesters you hoped he’d be around and if he weren’t you were quick to suggest Dean could call him in.   
But even that time of being hopelessly in love with a celestial being seemed easy now. You truly left easy behind the day you ran into Sam and Dean once again and they told you about purgatory and Leviathans. It was that day that changed your world in a way not even the existence of freaking angels could, because by then that one angel you needed to exist was gone. Castiel was gone and you only ever realized how much he had meant to you, the trust you would instinctively always put in him, the faith that he was the one good angel out there. You still had it but Cas was gone.  
…  
Or at least you thought he was gone. You had moved away for a while, to a small motel near some suburb where nothing supernatural was likely to strike like ever. The Winchester brothers didn’t really understand, but after losing Cas and getting involved with the Leviathan business they too had needed some family alone time anyway. So it was you solo again.  
Having a ‘normal’ live was surprisingly easy, sure there was still that gun under your pillow and a silver knife in the night stand, but steadily sleeping in the same bed even helped with some of the nightmares. Cooking was hard, but without the exercise from hunting you thought that at least healthy eating should be a thing in your life. Trying to fit in with all those dull suburban families was hard too, you didn’t have kids so soccer mum was no option, but where did normal woman make friends if not at a bake sale? At the end of every day you told yourself this was easy and exactly the break you needed.  
Till one day during a walk you saw a very familiar face sit on a park bench with a woman next to him. She leaned into his side with a relaxed and easy smile, while he had his arm draped around her shoulder. The sight wasn’t extraordinary in the small park, if you hadn’t known his face so well. Actually seeing this face was impossible!  
“Is that…” You couldn’t stop yourself from going over. For a minute your shock and curiosity got the better over your new suburban manners. “Is that you?”  
The woman lazily opened her eyes to look at you while the man with the short black hair and the piercing blue eyes just looked confused. There was no recognition at all in his eyes.  
“You two know each other?” She asked, carefully looking between you and the man.  
“I… I thought we did” You stuttered.  
“Emmanuel?” She turned to face her still confused partner, but he simply shook his head still no sign of recognition at all.  
“I’m sorry” You quickly said, embarrassment creeping up to colour your cheeks red “I was so absolutely sure…”  
“Maybe she knows you from before?” Suddenly the woman sounded really excited, she got up leaving his embrace to shake your hand with delight “I’m Daphne and this is Emmanuel – Or at least that’s what his name is now. You see my husband recently lost all his memories of the past.”  
“Your husband?” Even if Cas had lost his memories. Would… Could he be married now? Just like an ordinary human. Could an angle of the lord even do that?  
“Recently wed” She smiled and throw ‘Emmanuel’ a bright smile, which he returned with so much love. For a second your stomach twisted and you had to look away. Not even in your weirdest dreams had you hoped Cas would look at you like that. But here he was looking at her like she was his whole world, his everything. Damn if that didn’t sting.  
“Would you like to come over for tea some time?” Daphne asked out of the blue “Maybe you can put some light on his mystery past!”  
…  
“So where do you known Emmanuel from?” Daphne asked as she put tea and biscuits on the table. It was your first ever tea party and you squinted a little uncomfortable in your chair. But you wanted to know if it was really possible that the Winchesters had been wrong and that this Emmanuel truly was your Castiel. So you put on the nicest, none fake FBI cloths you owned on and you took Daphne up on her offer for catch up tea.  
“We went to school together” You lied “Spent endless hours in the library together for research.”  
“I… I do quite enjoy reading” Emmanuel said slowly, his curious eyes studying you “It’s quiet and peaceful.”  
“Where was that school? Maybe we could track relatives of you?” Daphne seemed really excited about this, while Emmanuel just studied you quietly. It was the same calm and relaxed way he always looked at you. Even if it was crazy you felt more and more like this man really could be the angel you lost.  
“It was a small school in Kansas. Closed years ago. I can’t even remember if I kept the year book – my face looked terrible with all those teenager pimples.” Lying to both of them came easy, you had done it for years for cases. Sometimes you were an FBI agent, sometimes a doctor or a new neighbour, but you always were someone and you were proud of having always a lie and a backstory on your lips.  
“Too bad” Daphne sighed “Maybe you can tell us something about your time at school then?”  
“Sure” You smiled, remembering all the things you had lived through with Cas and the boys over the past year and a half “We did a lot of research together. Mostly science papers and some stuff for religious ed – No idea why we even took that course, the teacher was an idiot. Oh! And we had this one friend, Dean, who would always drag us to the canteen when they had fresh pie. You remember Dean and his pie?”  
If this really was Cas maybe you could trigger some memories. But all of your half made-up school tales didn’t bring any recognition on his face. You told him about Dean and his pie, Sam and a ridiculous moose Christmas sweater, about Crowley the soulless bully, about your friend Balthazar the French exchange student and of course about Bobby most badass teacher of all times. Nothing, absolutely nothing, made him remember.  
“Maybe it’s not you” You sighed after a while, your tea was long cold but you were too busy making up high school stories to actually drink it. Shaking your head you looked over at Daphne “I’m sorry to have taken up all your time. I guess I was wrong.”  
“It was nice having you over anyway” Daphne smiled kindly at your defeated look, you both had hoped to learn more about Emmanuel “We should do this again some time.”  
“Sure” You agreed half-heartedly but certain you wouldn’t want to face Emmanuel again. He looked just like Cas, exactly like Cas, and you couldn’t do that again. Castiel had been your friend, stupid crush aside, and you had lost him to the fact that he felt like he couldn’t put his trust in the Winchesters or you about the whole soul business to defeat Raphael. You had failed him as a friend, same as you failed to help Emmanuel with real stories about his past.  
“I’ll walk you to the door if you want” Emmanuel suddenly spoke up. Tired from all the complicated lies you nodded your agreement. He held the door open for you and you send him one last quick smile just to be polite.  
“(Y/n), wait” You had already turned to walk away, but his words made you look back again. His eyes brows were furrowed in concentration as he kept talking “I might not remember anything about a Dean or Sam or anyone else you just talked about, but… when I look at you I feel like I should know you. Like you should mean something to me.” His hand came up to touch his forehead and he shook his head slightly “This might sound crazy. But I’ve got these powers and when I get a hunch about someone or something I’m usually right. So… When I feel like you’re important… Can we be friends? Like we used to be in your high school stories? I want to get to know you. “  
A smile unwillingly made its way on your face. He looked adorable and confused, a grown man standing there just asking to be your friend. And all of a sudden you made a decision. Even if this wasn’t Cas, if this was just one lost man that looked like him, all he asked for was a friend. As a hunter you had partners and contacts, but not many people you would call a friend. It seemed like something a normal person would have.  
“Are you really asking me to be your friend like a 5-year old?” You still smiled at his dorkiness. His shoulders slumped slightly at your words and without a second thought you put your hand on one of his shoulders, squeezing it slightly. “Okay, Emmanuel. Okay. Let’s be friends.”  
…  
From this day on he would come over to your motel every so often. You avoided tea parties with his wife as much as possible, still uncomfortable by the way they were so utterly and perfectly in love. But it never stood in the way of your friendship. Emmanuel was everything you had liked about a relaxed Cas, he was a bit awkward, very focused, but still relaxed enough to smile. He often felt like he could and needed to save the whole world. Even before he started to use his powers to help more and more people, he had this deep need to help.  
One night you were just settling in for TV night when a soft knock on your door, made you get up once again. There in the cold and dark stood Emmanuel, coat wrapped around something small and a pleading expression on his face. Your heart swelled at his adorable face and you let him in without second thought. As soon as he passed you he walked into your bathroom and came back with a small bundle wrapped into a clean towel.  
“What’s that?” You asked, curiously making your way over. He loosened the bundle a little and a tiny nose started to peak out. The pink nose was surrounded by dark-brown, fluffy fur and soon you could see a pair of tiny green eyes.  
“I found it abandoned in an ally on the way home” He explained softly, still carefully trying to dry the little puppy with the towel. The tiny animal looked so lost in the big white thing, you couldn’t help but coo at it.  
“You’re wife has an allergy” You informed him, taking the whole bundle from him and returning to your place on the couch “you can’t bring strays home like that.”  
“I know” He sighted, sitting down next to you “But I couldn’t leave him there alone in the cold.”  
“Of course you couldn’t” You smiled at the puppy in your lap.  
“Can he stay?” His voice sounded hopeful “My wife has an allergy, but my… my best friend hasn’t.”  
There were so many reasons to say no. The motel probably didn’t allow animals, this whole living arrangement was temporary, you were a hunter and on the road all the time. But all those reasons fell short when he asked with this hopeful tone in his voice and when he called you his best friend. Damn you were his friend and never again would you fail him. If he trusted you with this tiny life form you would take it in.   
“Tell you what” you looked up from the tiny dog to meet his wonderful blue eyes “You come up with a name I like and he stays.”  
“Easy” he returned your smile “Balthazar.”  
“Bal…” You looked at him questioning.  
“You said he was a friend of… us and he recently passed away. This way you get to keep a memory.”  
If you hadn’t already been hopelessly in love with a married angel you would be now. “That name is perfect.”  
“So you’ll keep him?” You nod “You’re an angel, (Y/n).”  
…  
“(Y/n)” You heard Daphne sob as soon as you picked up the phone. Immediately you knew something was terribly wrong. You put her on speaker while you threw some things in a small bag and out of the door you were.  
“He’s… (Y/n)… There were…” You heard her rambling and her incoherent sentences while you drove down the street from your motel to her house. A terrible knot settled low in your gut and all you could think was please let him be safe. When you got out of the car you knocked harshly on the door. “Daphne, open up. It’s (Y/n).”  
You heard movement behind the door, but she didn’t open up. Instead you heard steps coming close to the door and then they stopped. “Are you really (Y/n)?” You heard her broken voice ask.  
“Yes. Yes, it’s me. You called.” You reassured her while your nerves went on edge even more. Finally Daphne opened the door, slowly peeking at you, she sighed in relieve when she recognized you. Finally she opened the door wider, but as soon as you set a foot inside you were hit with something liquid right in the face.  
“Who taught you that?” Panic rose in your voice. That was most certainly holy water and Daphne shouldn’t even know what that was, but here she was testing if you were a demon.  
“Dean told me to do that” She explained, her face was tear strained but at least she calmed enough for coherent sentences at the sight of seeing you “It’s some kind of demon security check.”  
“I know” You frowned “Dean was here? Where is Emmanuel?”  
“They left together” She told you “Something about his brother needing a healer.”  
“Sam is sick?” You swallowed. If Dean of all people went locking for a healer things were bad. Why didn’t the idiot call you? “Did they say where they were going?”  
“(Y/n)” Daphne looked confused “You sound like you know who they are.”  
“Dean’s my friend. Sam too.” You sighed “I don’t have much time to explain now. I have to get to Sam. Just… stay in here and check everyone with the holy water, yes?”  
She nodded and you turned around. You felt bad for leaving her behind in this state but she was probably safest back here. If Cas met Dean his memories might be triggered and who knew how that would play out for all of you. You needed to find them, make sure all of them were okay. But most of all you needed to find Cas before he could remember all the things he had done. He had been so happy over the last year as a human and you were scared what the truth would do to him.  
Maybe that’s what he felt like when he didn’t tell you about making a deal with Crowley and about the plan to open purgatory to get souls. Maybe he wanted to protect you from a terrible truth too.  
…  
“Dean Winchester!” You yelled down the corridor of some clinic “Show your face!”   
You had tried to call but neither Sam nor Dean had picked up. Typical. So you instead tracked them down. Really you loved baby but she wasn’t the stealthiest car, most people remembered her passing through. You guessed you were only an hour or two behind Dean and what you knew for sure now was indeed Cas, when you finally found the car by the clinic.  
The building was large but with some yelling it wouldn’t be too hard to find the most stubborn brothers in the world.  
“I swear to god I have a small dog in the car and if you won’t show your face in five seconds, I’ll let him loose on the backseat of your car”  
After another minute or so Dean’s face appeared out of a room. His expression was unreadable although he lighted up for a split second upon seeing you.  
“Hello (y/n)” He sighed “Bit late for good byes I fear.”  
“Good… bye” You swallowed and regretted all the yelling and threatening. Something must have happened, something terrible. The same fear as when Daphne called settled back in, you had calmed down while tracking the Winchesters car for a moment, but now it all came rushing back. “Sam?”  
Dean shook his head “It’s Cas” He stepped aside to let you into a small hospital room. There on the bed laid the man you had known under two different names, but who had both times been the one to make you smile on even the worst days. It didn’t matter if he was Emmanuel or Cas anymore, the only thing that mattered was that he lived. But by the way he laid there, pale and lifeless, even that seemed to be not given anymore. It appeared that you had lost the man you loved twice now, without even once telling him how much he meant to you.  
“He’s in a coma” A woman said, rolling her eyes at you tearing up “No need for funeral tears just yet.”  
“Who is she?” You questioned with a shaky voice.  
“Meg. Demon. Long story.” Dean said, laying a hand on your shoulder. You simply nodded, not letting your eyes leave Cas lifeless form.  
“What happened?”  
“Now that’s an even longer story.” Deans hand on your shoulder pressed down gently “What are you doing here?”  
“Daphne called me.”  
“His wife?”  
“He was my friend, Dean.”  
…  
It was getting dark outside. The boys were next door with Meg discussing terms of her taking care of the comatose angel. You had insisted on staying too, but after some discussion they made you see that you were need elsewhere. With the leviathan problem getting more and more pressing the Winchesters needed every hand they could find.  
So it was time to say good bye to Castiel.  
“Cas… I…” You whispered to his closed eyes “I don’t know what to say. Get better? Wake up… that would be a start. And… I… I love you. I never told you through all the things we been through, because… I don’t even know why anymore. I should have told you while I still could.”  
Suddenly there was a hand on your shoulder. You sighed and leaned back against Dean. For a minute both of you just stood there, looking at our friend hoping he’d give any sign of waking. But of course he didn’t.  
“He remembered who he was” Dean suddenly spoke up quietly “He… he wanted to do this for Sam.”  
“He had always been a good man”  
“I know” Dean whispered “He… he told me to find you and tell you some things after everything was over.”  
You nodded once more, quietly waiting for Dean to continue. The man behind you swallowed and the hand on your shoulder cramped a little into your shirt. “Cas wanted you to know that… he was grateful for you being his friend. And… he wished you had been the one to find him and not Daphne. She was a great wife, but no matter how much she loved him he felt like something was missing when she looked at him. Then human him met you again and suddenly nothing was missing anymore.” Dean paused and you could tell by his strained voice that this was hard for him, having to tell you all of this when you both knew it should be Cas himself saying these words. “(y/n), he… in his own angelic way he loved and trusted you most.”


End file.
